


Cracks in the Glass

by Poetiicdissonance



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Banned Together Bingo 2020, Chess, Developing Relationship, Drabble Collection, Drabble Sequence, Dubious Morality, Embedded Images, Family Issues, Inspired by Music, M/M, Moral Ambiguity, Moral Dilemmas, Morally Ambiguous Character, No Underage Sex, Older Man/Younger Man, Playlist, References to Depression, Seduction to the Dark Side, linked songs, off screen murder, underage romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:14:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24247087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poetiicdissonance/pseuds/Poetiicdissonance
Summary: If he were someone else- someonebetter, Tim thinks he would still be in Gotham, playing the hero like in all the stories.But he's never been much for the stories, and it's hard to refuse Ra's when fighting him is the only time Tim feels alive.There are consequences for a corrupted youth, but perhaps it's better than the alternative.
Relationships: Tim Drake & Dick Grayson, Tim Drake & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Ra's al Ghul, Tim Drake/Ra's al Ghul
Comments: 8
Kudos: 188
Collections: Banned Banned Together Bingo 2020, Banned Together Bingo 2020





	Cracks in the Glass

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! Welcome back to the Disaster Problem^tm ship which I love. This time, enjoy a playlist/fic, which was done as a fill for the 'corrupts youth' square of the Banned Together Bingo.
> 
> I swear it was meant to only be a playlist, but 3k words later, and 12 songs more than I needed... and well, we're here.
> 
> [The playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLa0YO85dzTvd8kSzSn5kg9VXR_VE7CIq5) for those of you who want to listen along, it's all in order, so it should play through in the order of the drabble-y bits.

**__ **

**_Wasting My Young Years - London Grammar_ **

Tim walked along the edge of the roof, the Gotham sun starting to lighten the horizon from navy to the pre-dawn grey. The others had all ended their patrols for the night and gone back to the manor (he had called it home once, though he couldn't remember when that had ended). And he would go back soon... but the world was peaceful out here. No doubts, no judgement, no lingering suspicions.

Ra's' words from their last meeting were still echoing in Tim's head, and he couldn't help but wonder if he was right. Was he wasting away here trying to make Bruce proud of him? Was saving Gotham even worth it, was it even possible? He didn't know anymore. It wasn’t like he was needed, not like he had been as Robin. Batman _had_ a Robin, and it wasn’t him,

**_Heart By Heart - Demi Lovato_ **

The letter is left on his desk at Wayne Enterprises, and it’s a cross between a riddle and an invitation to dinner in a week. The paper is thick, and the penmanship is beautiful, with a handful of small droplets of ink that make Tim think it was written with a quill and ink (and it would be _just_ like Ra’s to be that sort of dramatic). He’s flying out to New York for a business meeting on Friday, and then he looks at the actual location of the invitation, and it’s an upscale New York restaurant for Saturday night. It’s not like one dinner could hurt… Ra’s was bound to be more interesting than some takeaway and case files after all. It wasn’t like Bruce would even be in New York, he had left so much of the running of Wayne Enterprises to Tim, so… one dinner. What Bruce didn't’ know wouldn’t hurt him.

**_Wicked Game - Ursine Vulpine_ **

He's not in Gotham this time- or even in America for that matter. He's chased Ra's halfway across the globe because he's _interesting_ , and Tim can't remember the last time that he felt this invested in something. They're standing in the wreckage of one of Ra's' bases, though the Lazarus Pit is still untouched by the damage. Tim thinks he should be more annoyed by this fact, but standing across from Ra’s, it seems unimportant.

"You could join me and become something great."

Tim smiles, and it's honest, and sad all at once. "We both know that I won't." He **_couldn’t_ ** do that. Dinner was one thing, to actually leave was another.

**_Beautiful Crime - Tamer_ **

Tim's room is covered in photos he's pulled out from his closet, and he stares at them hoping that they'll hold the secret to staying and trying to protect this city, to keep with the code, and be _exactly_ who the others want him to be. The photos had always been good at that; they were the reminder of what he was, and what he did- _why_ he did it. He saved people, he... he was a **hero**. That wasn't supposed to be a hard thing to believe in and yet... he felt more alive chasing Ra's across the globe and delighting in his puzzles than he did here, doing the right thing. 

**_Through Glass - Stone Sour_ **

Tim Drake has had many names over his life. 

The media used Wayne (once upon a time they used Drake, but never now. Now he was the young Wayne, making great strides in business). 

To his family he was Tim. Affectionate, familial, _familiar_. And he almost wishes they didn’t, it’s… it would be easier to leave if they didn’t. They seemingly forgot him, and passed him over unless they needed something, and… and then he was Tim, and it’s so hard to leave when they’re looking at him, and calling him Tim like he’s one of them.

Jason called him Replacement, and the world knew him as Robin. But **not** the first one. That was Dick, and then it had been Jason. He had been the third one- the replacement of a replacement, and then replaced with Damian, and it feels almost like a cruel legacy, but at least the other two hadn’t been _fired_ . So he’s Red Robin, and it's like giving up and stepping half out of the world, or clinging onto Robin because he didn't want to, or know how to let go of it.. (It was never meant to be _permanent,_ he tells himself, and even the excuses ring hollow. It had become his life, like it had all the others). 

Sometimes in those rare moments, Ra’s calls him Timothy. (No one had called him Timothy since his mother). His mother with her wicked sharp tongue, and nails sharp enough to cut. _She_ had called him Timothy, and sometimes he looks in the mirror and thinks that he’s disappointed her by not living up to the expectations of greatness, and it hurts sometimes, to have Ra’s offering it, and knowing that she would probably be prouder of him for it than anything he’d ever done with Batman. He had always been a mess of expectations.

And most of the time Ra’s used Detective (and he shared it with Bruce, though he sees more of the assassin than Bruce did now. Jason had called him one of Tim’s rouges, and he can't bring himself to disagree with that assessment). It isn’t love, because that’s not what this is. It’s… interesting. Ra’s treats him like he’s an intellectual equal (he calls him Detective and it’s a mark of respect).

**_Agony (Acoustic Session) - Paloma Faith_ **

"Checkmate." Ra's says, and Tim can't help but look at the chess board, eyes scanning for any possible way to get out of the trap. There wasn't, and he feels like an idiot, it seemed so obvious now that he had lost. It was subtle and brilliant, and Tim is impressed by it. He hadn’t even realized it had been a trap until too late.

"Rematch, Beloved?"

"Not your Beloved." Tim says, even as he resets his pieces. It’s a beautiful chess set, older and fancier than anything else he had ever played on.

“Of course not, Beloved.” Ra’s says with a slight upturn in his expression that Tim ignores. He’s **_not_ ** ; being here was… a mistake but it was _his_ mistake to make, but even that doesn't make the idea of being Ra’s’ Beloved easier to palate (and it’s because he knows it would be so easy to fall into it, he knows, not because it’s such a terrible idea).

**_In All My Dreams I Drown - The Devil's Carnival_ **

Tim blinks, and ducks out of the way of the goons fists. He wouldn’t dare be so slow usually, but he’d spent the last three nights trying to help Dick with a case, and the exhaustion was beginning to take a toll. Tomorrow night, he tells himself, he’ll get some rest. Tonight after patrol, he had to go over his notes for the presentation tomorrow in front of the board. At least with this fight, he didn't have to be as worried about them actually being able to kill him, it was muscle memory to keep moving and avoid the attacks.

He almost wishes he were fighting Ra’s. He would pose a challenge. He was the better fighter, simple experience proving to be his advantage. Though, he thinks, as he hits the goon with his bo staff, Ra’s wouldn’t be fighting to kill in such a messy fashion. (It was fighting Ra’s that was why he was out here tonight at all. He’d gotten complacent with Gotham, the same day-in, day-out routine, this was supposed to wake him up, and yet… all he could think about was how Ra’s was the more interesting opponent, how he was fascinating to fight because he used his sword like it was an extension of himself, and fought like it was an art, or a dance).

**_You Belong to Me - Cat Pierce_ **

He trips, and hits the ground, and for a split-second Tim feels _alive,_ even moments away from what he’s certain will be his end. (He wonders if Bruce will mourn for him like he mourned for Jason, and he thinks Bruce won’t, that none of them will notice). This had been all he had been looking for for months. He stares into Ra’s eyes, his cowl had been lost near the start of the fight, and he grins. Ra’s own expression tilts into one of amusement, his sword pressing against his chin, the point resting scant centimetres above his chest, and with every panting breath he can feel the blade against his heaving chest. 

The air is taut for a few seconds, as they both stare at each other. Ra’s drops the sword, letting it hang near his side. It surprises Tim, but he stands up, grabbing his staff from where it had been knocked. “Why?” he asks.

“Because Beloved, if I am to defeat you, I want it to be at your best.” 

**_Become the Beast - Karliene_ **

He’s fighting the newest mob that had decided to pick up a place in Gotham. The others are there, each fighting their own collection of goons, and then the man he’s fighting lifts his knife in the right way, and it’s like an instinct to use a move he saw Ra’s do last time they were fighting together. It’s not quite right-- it’s not as smooth as it could be, and the angle’s wrong because he’s using a staff instead of a sword, but the goon still hits the ground with a groan, and Tim spins on his heel to jab the staff into another man’s side. 

He doesn’t notice the look that Dick throws him, or the way that Bruce’s expression darkens beneath the cowl. 

Later, after the fight is done, Jason corners him. “Replacement, where’d you learn that move? Doesn’t look like one of B’s.”  
  


Time just looks at Jason over his shoulder from where he’s putting on a bandage, and shrugs. “I saw it a few weeks ago and thought it would work.” He doesn’t say it was Ra’s, he doesn't admit that it felt easier to use than anything Bruce has taught him in years. He just turns away as Jason leaves.

**_Under the Rainbow - The Jane Austen Argument_ **

He’s standing across from Ra’s in what has long since become familiar placements. “Detective, come with me, I could make you great.” And Tim knows what he’s going to say because it’s habit, it’s scripted, it may as well be written down as one of Shakespeare’s plays. He says it because it’s what he’s expected to say. The hero denies the villain's offer, and he gets the girl. It’s how the story is supposed to go.

But he doesn't feel much like a hero anymore. The days have become a routine, and the fights are boring except when he’s sparring with Ra’s, and at some point, he’s gotten used to the use of Beloved, just like he got used to being called Detective, and Timothy. He had already been shaped by hands other than his own once, this at least, made him feel alive. For a minute, he thinks about letting the game continue as it is, but he’s tired in the bone-deep exhausted way that isn’t just about sleep. He’s seen behind the curtain, the Bat is no longer mysterious, the morality just a mere mirage.

He can see Ra’s and the way he’s expecting the answer because that’s what they do, because the habit _was_ familiar now. “Yes, I’ll come. I’ll become great.” 

**_This Night - Black Lab_ **

Tim thinks sometimes, that it was a mistake, that he could have been happy had he stayed. And then he thinks about how the others don't even notice for months that he seemed different- less exhausted, less lethargic. Ra’s says he doesn’t look anhedonic anymore, and Tim can only agree, because it’s _true_ . Gotham was monotonous, and this **wasn’t**. He was learning how to fight in a way he had never even considered before. Moves that would have seemed impossible now came easily, and at some point, the feeling of blood stopped being horrific even if the idea of letting someone die was.

Bruce would judge him if he knew- had he bothered to pay attention to how his fighting had changed and improved. He was faster, and more precise with the bo staff than anything Bruce’s teachings had ever given him.

**_Me and the Devil - Soap &Skin_ **

“Check.”

The game of chess was probably going to end in a draw Tim thinks, as he looks at their remaining pieces, though, he thinks, fidgeting with one of the ones he took from Ra’s, one of them may yet win. It wasn't like it had been a short game after all, they’d been playing for two hours already. Ra’s moves his bishop, and the game continues. 

It was late, or perhaps early depending on what scale you were using to keep time, but it was better than sleeping. He didn’t think he could even if he wanted to. Not now, not tonight. A man was dead, and it wasn’t directly his fault- which is to say that he was not the one to pull the trigger, but he hadn’t stopped it either. 

“Checkmate.”

**_City of the Dead - Eurielle_ **

Nanda Parbat was a beautiful city, with its stone corridors and courtyards, and the walls that towered above them. It all seemed oddly disconnected from the rest of the world. Long stretches of silence, where the only sound was of their own footfalls, and then past courtyards where Tim could hear the tell-tale signs of swords clashing and clattering to the ground.

Ra’s’ hand rested at the small of his back as he was guided through the city of the League of Shadows, a hot spot in contrast to the general desert heat, though the high stone walls seemed to help minimize some of it. Logically, he had known that the city had existed, but this was the first time he had seen it, and it seemed like a milestone of sorts. Here lies Timothy Drake-Wayne, a hero, may he become something greater.

**_Silhouette - Aquilo_ **

“Do you feel as though you’ve become great Beloved?” Ra’s asks Tim. They’re in bed, and Tim looks over at him, from where he was reading, back pressed against the pillows, glasses low on his nose. (he hadn’t even known the detective had glasses until he came). The book was an Arabic one he had in the libraries, like with most of the ones that seemed to collect on Tim’s night-table as of late. His skill with the language had vastly improved even if his pronunciation was terrible, and his verb conjugation was… improving.

It had been almost a year since Tim had accepted his offer, and some days it seems like it had been far longer, and some days, it seemed like no time at all. Tim considered the question, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. “I am becoming something. A metamorphosis.” 

**_Eight - Sleeping at Last_ **

Tim finds himself thinking about the days surrounding his acceptance of Ra’s’ offer as their first year together draws to a close. The others knew now, of course; even they could not have missed this vanishing. He was becoming something new- something better if he was honest. He had called it a metamorphosis, and it was accurate. He was in the period of change, between one thing and another, which was perhaps in it’s own way, a thing of its own.

He had been shaped first in Bruce’s image, and the Batman was… a myth, or no, not a myth, he was real, but he was the Wizard and Gotham was Oz. The whole city was a game of smoke and mirrors, where children too young took roles they thought fit, and the people that should be doing good seemed to fail.

And it's that that perhaps makes this all the easier. Ra’s indulged him in a way that Bruce did not, he didn't not expect him to be something else, or somehting new, only to become something that fulfilled all of his potential. 

He had tried to fit into the Robin box, into the place of a Bat, and he had never really succeeded, it was if the very identity had lost something in the fiery blaze that killed Jason Todd. He was always going to be measured against his predecessors and found lacking, for the pure fact that he was not them. And yet here he was, excelling because of what was, ultimately one decision. (And he still can't quite tell if it was one made out of apathetic boredom, or just the culmination of a thousand different events).

**_When it's all Over - Raign_ **

Jason notices first. His Replacement’s different than he was, looking a bit more alive, using moves that Jason is _certain_ that Bruce would **never** have taught. The moves looked modified and he’s spent enough time around various weapons to know that if the bo staff had a blade, those men would probably be dead. Bruce didn’t teach moves like that because the risks were so much higher, so to see Baby Bird using them… well, it spoke of something that they had all missed. And that Dick, and the others were _still_ missing if he had to guess.

It was something important, that much Jason was certain, but Tim’s files were all encrypted and hidden behind enough tech layers that Jason didn’t even know how to start cracking them. He’d long since broken the ones on the Batcomputer, and mostly for the files he needed to keep a layer of protection on, he’d use something similar, but Tim’s looked more like it had been entirely built from the ground up to hide something he didn't want anyone else seeing. He’d heard about Damian digging through his files when Tim had returned to Gotham after Bruce’s ‘death’, but that sounded like child’s play to whatever this was hiding.

It’s enough to make him concerned, because while none of that had been looking, Jason rather suspects that Tim had become something different, something terrifying (and he wonders why none of them had ever seen that potential before).

**_Memories - EarlyRise_ **

When Tim vanishes, they don't notice at first- at least, Dick thinks, none of them do, but he thinks Jason may have suspected something before he left. He’d been doing that more since Bruce’s death, which had turned out to just be lost in time. Tim would leave for hours or days at a time, and it didn't seem odd (though most of the time he hadn’t even realized that Tim had left until after he had returned).

And then one day he realizes that Tim _hadn’t_ come back. He’d just… vanished and no one could find him, even Babs and her all-seeing cameras had lost him.

And then they do, and it’s a nightmare. Tim is on the wrong side of the battlefield, fighting **_beside_ ** Ra's al Ghul of all people, and it looks _so_ natural. Like it was no wonder that they were on the same side, because they fought beside each other in a beautiful and terrifying synchcrocy. Tim’s not wearing a cowl, just a cape and some otherwise simple clothes. And it’s almost transfixing watching him fight- he’s fast and precise with his staff in a way that Dick had never seen him before.

And he realizes _exactly_ where Tim had gone when he vanished, and it feels almost like he’s become the borrowed interlude in his baby brother’s life, and he can’t help but wonder where, and how did they go so wrong as to drive Tim into Ra’s al Ghul’s embrace?

**_Disarm - The Smashing Pumpkins_ **

There are many words that can be used to soften the impact of something, to sugarcoat it, and Tim can say any great number of them in many different languages, and yet they don't change what happened. He had killed a man, which is to say that this time, he pulled the trigger. If Tim is honest, he always expected it to feel like more. Like some great momentous event where he passed the moral event horizon and yet it passes and the most impactful words he thinks are ‘I’ve chosen my fate, and I shall never be a Bat again’.

“Have you become great yet, Beloved?” Ra’s asks from behind his shoulder, and Tim looks at the blood on the ground, and on his hands, the colour gradually getting darker and slower as it bleeds from the man. For a few seconds he just stares at it, thoughts swirling through his mind, and then he turns to face Ra’s, and he smiles at him, straightening his spine as he holds eye contact with him. 

It’s the final connection he supposes, that tied him to the Bat family, a final line he had not crossed. And yet here he was, line crossed, and it’s like the headstone in his mind is finished; here rests the immortal soul of Tim Wayne: loyal soldier, brilliant child, newfound monster. “I’ve become everything that Bruce would despise.”

**_Beekeeper - Keaton Henson_ **

There’s a voice in the back of Tim’s head that sounds like Bruce telling him that he’s making a terrible mistake: that this will all end in corruption, and power and death. And there’s a voice in the back of his head that sounds startlingly like his mother saying she’s proud of him (and part of him thinks **’** **_finally_ ** _, finally_ **_this_ ** _I’ve done right_ '). He ignores both and focuses on the potential thrumming under his skin. Now is not the time to focus on ghosts afterall, there is a world to conquer, an empire to create in the wake of his metamorphosis.

**_Empire - Beth Crowley_ **

Gotham is burning, and it’s been many, many years since he accepted Ra’s’ offer of greatness. Once upon a time, he had sought to protect this very city, and now it burned, the flames consuming everything he’d once held dear. 

Ra’s didn’t look like he had aged, the same aristocratic features and greying hair that he’d kept as long as Tim had known him. He had aged, though he doesn't look quite as old as Ra’s, even if they now shared the same Lazarus-green eyes, and the same title- ‘The Demon’s Head’. 

He had been running the League of Shadows with Ra’s for years, and on his own during the interim periods between death and resurrection. If he could see what he had become, Tim wonders if he would have chosen differently, and the realization that he wouldn’t, doesn't surprise him nearly as much as he thinks it would have once.

“Do you think you have become great Beloved?”

“I have built an empire, I have become greater than I ever could have imagined.”


End file.
